Showing posts with label Moronyms. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moronyms. Show all posts

3 Stupidest Things I've Ever Heard

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Dear Brain Trainers:

We are taught using metaphors, parables and "sayings." We call them sayings because someone once said them. That is not an assurance of their quality. It is just a statement of the obvious. To make things worse (or more worser yet still), the older they are, the more wisdom is to be assumed to be contained in them. And to further worsen things (to make the worst even more worser yet), the more that people say them, the truer they are. This is interesting, because apparently, there are degrees of truth -- I'll have to consult neighbor Bill Clinton regarding the particulars of this issue.

Here, for you pleasure, live (somewhat) from The Braintenance Blog Of Blockbusting Brilliance, we offer you the three stupidest things I've ever heard, excluding such conversational Moronyms as "Notary Republic," Redundons [trite, expressions spoken by members of the Order of Illiterati such as "I'll be here for the duration," and the like:

1) "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times." [mathematically ridiculous];

2) "If you had half a brain, you'd be dangerous!" [This could mean many things, none of which would make me dangerous, unless I had stolen an ossified hemisphere from the exhibit in the science lab and flung the thing at someone -- which would actually cause 'brain trauma' in both senses of the expression!];

3) "Hey. We all put our pants on the same way. One leg at a time." [This is intended to make the person being spoken to feel more self confident. It is stupid. What if I'm going to read an academic paper to a bunch of Celts? What if I'm wearing my little black party dress? And what about the time when I was an undergrad, and I won a five dollar bet by putting baby oil on my legs and jumping into my jeans from the upper bunk in my dorm room?]

Enough. Now sit back, relax and enjoy a gentle bit of philosophy, with Flickspire's wonderful video, titled, "Life Is Like Coffee": Simply click on the link below:

= LINK BELOW

Even if you disagree with the philosophy, or the simile (the cousin of a metaphor, but using "like" or "as" in its description and delivery), the acoustic guitar music is wonderful. Seriously, the music is so relaxing, and the sound quality crystal clear. Someday, when I find myself (how 'bout that one? Eh?), I would like to try my hand (there's another - is it metonymy or synecdoche? {sp?}) at producing a philosophical video. I'd give it a snappy title like "Crossing The Callosum"

Thank you, as always, for reading me, digging me, grokking me, and feeling me - and for sharing my articles (my wallet is missing! So's my pen!) with your contacts, comrades and colleagues across your social media platforms.

Douglas E. Castle








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OXYMORONS (Nowthen) - Brain Expanders

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Oxymorons are self-conflicting or self-cancelling combinations of words. They are often humorous, brief, thought-provoking (associatively) and memorable. They also help stimulate our mind's ability to freely associate and visualize with greater speed and clarity. They stimulate imagination and creativity. What's more, they're great fun at parties.

We've all heard these: JUMBO SHRIMP, AUTHENTIC REPLICA, MILITARY INTELLIGENCE, HELPFUL CIVIL SERVANT and THE WAR ON TERRORISM (more obscure, but a bit more through-provoking in terms of semantics and shades of meaning).

With the following list, read each one aloud in your mind, and when you've finished, visualize the conflicting physical images. Then:

1) See how many of them you can easily remember;

2) See how many you can remember in the sequence in which they are presented. Incidentally, this is my collection of the best of the worst of these creatures:

Stretch those neurons....let them reach out and touch one another! Here we go:

A CAPPELLA WITH MUSIC
A FINE MESS
A FOOT AHEAD
A LITTLE BIG
ABSOLUTELY UNSURE
ABUNDANT POVERTY
ACCURATE ESTIMATE
ACTIVE NEUTRALITY
ACTUAL REENACTMENT
ACUTE APATHY
ALMOST EXACTLY
ALONE TOGETHER
ALTOGETHER SEPARATE
ALUMINUM BOTTLE
ANARCHY RULES
APPARENTLY INVISIBLE
APPEAR INVISIBLE
APPEARANCE HEARING
ATHEISTIC THEOCRACY
AUNT JEMIMA LIGHT

Try the above (and we're only in the "A" category!) and work this exercise. You will
find it invigorating. I could have provided you with a far longer list, but my friend Eric always tells me that "less is more." To me, this is a blinding flash of the obvious [ahem].

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Figures Of Speech: Malaprops & Moronyms.

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We bloggers (and the occasional speechwriter) use dictionary.com for quick word definitions, etymological stories (there's one below) and for alternate word choices. For this last, we use the Thesaurus feature. It ("Dic," as we chronic abbreviators and vulgar insinuators often call it... for short), is enormously useful, despite the fact that it is so laden with ads, pop-ups, pavilions, flash graphics and other distractions that the quick bit of information which you seek is often hidden ("obscured" would have been a snazzier word choice, but I'm in a rush) on the page.

While some people (mostly 23-year old internet billionaires or Baby-Boomers taking a break from looking for an employment opportunity which they'll never find) think this "word search" or "improve your visual acuity"- type exercise is fun, I detest it, although I wouldn't put that in writing. Being the Baron Of Braintenance (my hobby) as well as the modest Chairman of TNNWC Management Consulting Services (an adult job), I must keep all of my options and resources open. Flexibility and adaptation are crucial business skills.

Today, I needed an alternative for the word malapropism, and stumbled upon Mondegreen, which is defined and discussed below, courtesy of Dic. When children learn things by being encouraged to parrot what they are hearing from adults, they become mondegreen-manufacturers. For example, I remember singing "My country tis a bee, sweet lamb of liver tea, of thee I see..." And I wasn't the only one. It was a pandemic.

This mondegreenation (not exactly a Lingovation, but a grammatical extrapolation) is a product of a) not listening too closely, and b) not understanding the meanings of the actual words. Acquired early, these survive late into adulthood and can be the cause of embarrassment.

As children, we were afraid to run out in the cold for fear of catching "ammonia" and going into a "comber."

I once dated a woman (in her 40s at the time) who asked me if I had "...ever seen the Three Stoogers as a child." I knew that she had intended to say "stooges," but the damage was already done. I responded (smart aleck that I was) by saying "Yes. That was the best way to see them." She looked perplexed, but grinned sweetly. I knew that my overnight bag was going to stay in the trunk of my car.

Collectively speaking, I like to refer to all of these errors in spoken communications as "Moronyms." Whether they are spoonerisms, malaprops, grammatical extrapolations [I invented that] or just dumb things like "Notary Republic," the term moronyms (a legitimate lingovation, and cleverly engineered to look like such real words as homonyms, and synonyms) covers the field.

Enjoy your mondegreens, my cognition-craving, brain-straining colleagues. And be certain to visit these other pleasure stations within the TNNWC InfoSphere for stimulation: http://aboutDouglasCastle.blogspot.com, http://TakingCommand.blogspot.com, http://SendingSignals.blogspot.com, and http://Links4LifeAlerts.com.

mon·de·green

[mon-di-green] Show IPA
noun
a word or phrase resulting from a misinterpretation of a word or phrase that has been heard.



Compare eggcorn.
See also malapropism.


Origin:
1954; coined by Sylvia Wright, U.S. writer, from the line laid him on the green,  interpreted as Lady Mondegreen,  in a Scottish ballad.
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